Selfish Tendencies
by akinoshibumi
Summary: Byakuya becomes more than just Renji's captain but cannot be called his lover either. After feeling Renji's warmth he craves for more than just a physical connection. Oneshot. Rated M for you know what.


Selfish Tendencies

_Would it be selfish of me to want to be the most important thing in your life?_

Byakuya opened his eyes and turned to face the sleeping form of the man beside him. He has gazed upon the other man's sleeping face many times before but it never ceased to amaze him how beautiful the other man really was. Gently, he moved his hand to caress the face of the fiery, red haired man, who was sleeping soundly and snoring softly. Byakuya then sat up slowly so as not to disturb the sleeping man.

He allowed himself to release a deep sigh as he started to remember the first time he and Renji were together.

It was something that happened unexpectedly but it wasn't completely undesirable. He did not mind becoming one of Renji's occasional lovers as long as he could feel the warmth that radiated from Renji during those cold, lonely nights.

* * *

"Taicho, are you working overtime again?" Renji asked as he brought a hot cup of tea to Byakuya.

"Yes." Byakuya replied.

"Well, I was thinking that you need to take a break."

Byakuya sent the other man a glare.

"I mean, you've been working overtime the whole week. If you don't take a rest sometime, you might just collapse" Renji said as he tried to reason with his captain.

"Since when did you become so concerned about my well-being?" Byakuya asked coldly.

_Ever since I realized that you weren't such a cold bastard after all_

Renji then went to his table silently and proceeded to work on his report.

After a few hours of writing, a few cups of tea, and a few trips to the washroom, Renji finally seemed to be satisfied with his work and handed his report to his captain. Byakuya took a quick look at the report and placed it on top of the pile of reports that he had to read over and sign.

"Good work Abarai. You may go home now if you wish." Byakuya said without looking at Renji.

"Well... Taicho, if you're going to work overtime again today, I thought that I could, you know, stay to help you finish faster..." Renji said.

"Well you are free to stay if you wish."

"Thanks, Taicho," Renji said happily. _Wait why am I the one thanking him when I'm the one trying to help? Never mind._

"Do you want me to sign these?" Renji said as he took a large pile of paper from Byakuya's desk.

"If you want to."

"Ok then," Renji said smiling at his captain's reply. _He could be really cute sometimes._

"Oh. Abarai, can you also bring some more tea? This one's gone cold." Byakuya said.

"Hai, Taicho," Renji said happily as he put down the stack of papers on his table and rushed out of the room to make a new pot of tea.

"_I guess having company for tonight wouldn't be that bad even if it's him," _Byakuya thought to himself.

Renji returned after a few minutes with a hot pot of tea and started to pour tea it Byakuya's cup.

"Arigatou, Renji" Byakuya said without looking up.

"No problem, Taicho."

Renji then poured himself a cup and sat back down at his desk to start signing the papers he took from Byakuya's desk.

* * *

"Finally, I'm done" Renji yawned as he stretched out his arms. He then stood up and took the signed papers to Byakuya's desk. "Here Taicho, I've finished everything."

"Good work, Abarai. You can go home now." Byakuya said as he took the papers from Renji.

"Yeah I might just do that but it's a Friday night and it's too early to go home" Renji started, "I should probably go meet up with the others."

"You mean Hisagi-fukutaicho and Kira-fukutaicho?" Byakuya asked calmly.

"Yeah, Friday night's the time to let loose you know." Renji said with a big grin on his face. "Taicho, you could join us if you want."

"I would have to decline your offer. I would prefer not to be seen drinking in public."

"Would it be ok if it was just the two of us?"

"I don't think I would be a suitable drinking companion for you."

"That doesn't matter. And, come to think of it, we've never really had a drink together. All other the taichos and fukutaichos have. Well, except for Hitsugaya-taicho since he's too young but the point is… Umm where was I again?" Renji paused as he tried to think of what to say.

"The point is it would be a good opportunity for taicho and fukutaicho to create a stronger bond and to develop the trust between each other?" Byakuya said.

"Yeah, what you said." Renji said smiling.

"Well, I guess it would be alright just for tonight." Byakuya said.

"Where should we go then? We can't really go to an _izakaya_ since there are tons of people there especially on Fridays." Renji said thoughtfully.

"Your place or mine?" Byakuya asked.

"I don't know, Taicho. You might not be able to handle commoner's sake." Renji said with a mischievous smile.

"Fine. Your place then."

* * *

After closing the office doors, the two shinigami started for Renji's apartment.

It was only a 20 minute walk to Renji's apartment but the awkward silence between the two made Renji feel as if he had been walking for more than an hour. Byakuya seemed quite content with the silence and the late night walk.

"Your apartment is not that far after all. I wonder why you always seem to be late for work." Byakuya said coolly as they stopped in front of the door to Renji's apartment.

"Well, I'm sorry. I can't help it. There are some things that need a man's attention." Renji said blushing softly.

"Oh? Like what? Would you teach me Abarai-fukutaicho?" Byakuya said raising an eyebrow.

"Like... Like.. You know? Aww.. Never mind." Renji said blushing furiously as he opened the door. "Sorry if it's a bit messy."

Byakuya entered the room and started to scan the room. He found a simply furnished living room, a kitchen that seemed to have never been used, a door that would lead to the bathroom, and another door that he guessed would lead to the bedroom. As he went in further, he could smell the distinct scent of Abarai Renji and something that seemed to be a popular brand of woman's perfume.

_Not as messy as I expected it to be. _

Renji noticed his captain standing in the middle of the living room.

"Taicho, you could sit down if you want. I'll just go get the sake and some cups. Oh and I got some snacks from the living world. You might like them." Renji said as he moved into the kitchen.

Byakuya slowly sat down in front of the low table looking as calm and dignified as he always did. Renji started to put down the sake and cups on the table and went back to get the snacks.

"Taicho, I think you might like these," Renji said as he held out a whole bag of unopened wasabi peas. "I got them as a souvenir for you but I never got the chance to give it."

"Thank you. You didn't have to get me anything." Byakuya said plainly.

"Anyways, I discovered this!" Renji said proudly as he showed Byakuya a bag of potato chips. "This might just be the greatest food product that those humans have ever thought of. It's crunchy, it's salty and quite sour but sweet at the same time."

"What is it?"

"Ketchup-flavoured potato chips!" Renji said rather enthusiastically.

"Oh," Byakuya said silently as he took the bag of wasabi peas on the table and opened it.

Renji slumped his head down for a moment.

_I guess he wouldn't really get that worked up over potato chips. Dammit why can I never act cool in front of Kuchiki-taicho?_

"Here Taicho, let me pour some sake for you." Renji said as he took the bottle of sake and pour some into the cup in Byakuya's hands. Then Renji took his own cup and started to pour some sake when a pale hand stopped him.

"Let me pour some for you, Abarai."

"Ah. Hai. Arigatou, Taicho." Renji said as he allowed Byakuya to pour sake into his cup.

"Abarai," Byakuya started.

"Yes, Taicho?"

"These things are not that bad," Byakuya said as he took another pea into his mouth.

"I'm glad you like them," Renji said smiling. "I remembered that you like spicy foods. Though, I can't say I care for them much."

"They're quite tasty even after the spiciness has worn off."

"Still, I can't handle spicy things."

"Look can really be deceiving. With you red hair and exotic tattoos, one might think that you would prefer something with a kick," Byakuya said, taking a sip from his cup.

"Well, I'm sorry for having a sweet tooth," Renji said blushing slightly.

The good mood between the two continued on as they talked about different types of food they enjoyed, 6th division business, peculiar things in the living world, and much more.

After about the fifth cup, Renji could notice the slight blush that remained in Byakuya's cheeks.

"Taicho, are you drunk?" Renji asked laughing. "I didn't know you were such a light weight when it came to drinking."

"Light weight? Who do you think you're calling a light weight?" Byakuya said, his words slightly slurred. "I could out drink you, Rangiku, and Madarame combined. Give me another shot."

"Yep. Definitely drunk." Renji said laughing at the rare fit of immaturity his captain showed.

"No I'm not," Byakuya said silently as he put his cup in front of Renji.

"Hai. Hai. I get it. You're not drunk." Renji said as he poured another cup for his captain and downed the sake in his own cup.

After a few more cups, Renji saw a clearly drunk and disheveled Byakuya.

"Nee.. Wakame-san, more" Byakuya said with his eyes closed. "I can take one more cup. Hic."

"Taicho, I don't think so." Renji said with heavily slurred words. He was drunk but not as drunk as Byakuya.

"I said more! When I say more, give me more! If you, don't I might put you in my soup!"

"Hai, Taicho" Renji said as he stood up and picked up Byakuya from the floor. He took Byakuya's arm and wrapped it around his neck and started for the bedroom.

When they reached the bed, Renji put Byakuya down and lay down beside him.

"Nee.. Renji-kun, do you hate me ?" Byakuya asked in a small voice.

"I can't hate you, Taicho."

"Do you think I'm a cold bastard?"

"No, Taicho."

"Do you think that I'm… I'm attractive?"

"Well.. yo..you are quite something to look at"

"Then.. why?" Byakuya asked, his voice shaking. "Why couldn't she love me?"

"Who? Hisana-san?"

"Why? When ..I.. hic.. loved her..hic.. with all my hear.. heart.." Byakuya said with tears in his eyes.

"She married you.. Didn't that mean she loved you?"

"I.. She probably did that just to get out of Rukongai…"

"That's not true!" Renji said, sitting up in protest. "The fact that she was happy with you meant that she loved you as much as you loved her."

"Still.. my heart.. was…is not filled." Byakuya said softly as he turned his head to the side and let a small tear leave his eye.

"Taicho, if.. it's alright with you…" Renji said turning Byakuya's face towards his. "I would like to have a chance to fill your heart."

Byakuya did not respond but only closed his eyes. Renji took this as a 'yes'.

Slowly, Renji lowered his head and met his captain's lips. The kiss started off soft and slow but quickly turned hot and passionate, enough to have them both gasping for breath. Renji pulled away and saw the beautiful image of Byakuya hot and panting, lips reddened by the intensity of their kiss, and hair slightly tousled. Byakuya's shihakusho was slightly opened showing more of his pale skin. Renji could not resist the temptation to kiss the exposed skin.

"Ahh.." Byakuya moaned as he felt Renji kissing and sucking hard at his neck.

'Taicho.." Renji said softly as he slowly opened Byakuya's shihakusho and continued to leave a trail of kisses on his unblemished skin.

"Bya.. Byakuya.. Call me.. Byakuya," said the raven haired man who was moaning beneath Renji.

"Byakuya," said Renji, feeling a bit weird at saying his captain's given name.

Renji felt hands tugging at his obi desperately but failing to untie them.

"Becoming impatient, Byakuya?" Renji whispered into the other man's ear, sending a shiver down the other's spine. "Don't worry. We have all the time in the world."

Renji then proceeded to undo Byakuya's obi with as much enthusiasm as one would expect from a child opening his birthday present. Slowly, more and more of Byakuya's perfect skin came into Renji view.

"Byakuya, you… are.. perfect" Renji said as he looked at the erotic sight of Byakuya's dishevelment. "No one could ever be more beautiful than you at this moment."

"Nnn.." Byakuya moaned in response, pulling Renji into a deep kiss.

While Renji's lips were locked with Byakuya's, his hands were working at revealing Byakuya in all his naked glory. Renji then pulled away from the other man's lips and proceeded to tease Byakuya, taking a pert nipple into his mouth and resting his hand on the base of the other man's length. Slowly, he started sliding his hand up and down Byakuya's cock. Byakuya could not keep silent for long and became a moaning mess under Renji.

Renji released Byakuya's length as he felt his captain draw near to climax.

"Oh no. We're not done yet Byakuya. Don't think you're getting off that easy."

"NNggghhh.. Re-Renji… Please,,,"

Renji felt himself become harder at hearing Byakuya moan out his name.

"You've really done it this time." Renji said as he turned Byakuya over so that Byakuya's perfect bottom was right in front of him. He put his fingers in front of Byakuya's lips. "Here. Suck on this."

Byakuya took in the fingers in his mouth, coating them generously with his saliva. Once Renji decided that his fingers were wet enough, he pulled them out and slowly started to insert one finger into Byakuya's puckered hole.

"Nnngghh.. Ahhh.. aaahh…" Byakuya moaned as Renji began to insert the second finger and stretch Byakuya. He prepared Byakuya as much as he could to lessen the pain his captain will experience.

Byakuya started to move his hips in time with the thrusting of Renji's fingers and groaned disappointedly when Renji pulled out. Renji opened the drawer next to his bed to grab a bottle of lube and coated his own length generously.

"Byakuya, please endure it for a while. I know it's gonna hurt but please," Renji said softly into Byakuya's ear and kissed his temple.

Renji entered Byakuya as slowly as possible, kissing his back as a form of apology for the pain.

"Nngghhh.. I… itai.." Byakuya said, almost a whisper as tears came rolling down his face.

"I'm so sorry. But please bear with it."

Byakuya gave him a small nod and Renji took Byakuya's lips to make him ignore the pain.

"Aahh…" Renji panted as he was fully sheathed in Byakuya's heat. "So.. tight… Bya.. can I move now?"

"Unn.." Byakuya moaned.

Slowly, Renji pulled out of Byakuya and pushed back in. After a few thrusts, Renji hit the bundle of nerves that made Byakuya see stars.

"Aaahhh…. Ngghhh.. Renj- so.. good…." Byakuya moaned and panted as Renji started to quicken the pace.

"Aaah.. me too.. So hot…" Renji said as he started to pump Byakuya's length in time with his thrusts.

"Aaahh…"

"NNgghh…"

"Aaahhh.. I'm.. com…"

"Goo…d too good…"

"Nnnngggghhhhh… Coming…"

"…"

"…"

Byakuya could not hold out any longer and came hard on Renji's hand while Renji came inside him. The intensity of their climax had them both panting and shaking.

Renji collapsed on top of Byakuya, having only enough energy to pull out of the man and lie next to him.

"Haa.. Haa.. That.. was intense…" Renji panted out and looked to the man beside him and saw that he had fallen asleep. He let out a small chuckle and caressed the other man's face. "Sweet dreams, Byakuya."

Renji then fell into a deep sleep, holding Byakuya's body close to him.

* * *

Byakuya remembered the surprised look in Renji's eyes as he woke up beside his captain the next morning and the look of even greater surprise when he realized that he was not going to be kicked out of the 6th division for what he did. Instead, as if they had an unspoken agreement, every month they had a night of taicho and fukutaicho "bonding" that always ended up in sore bodies and terrible hangovers the next day.

Byakuya continued to caress the sleeping face of his vice-captain, the usual cold glare in his eyes was replaced by a soft, loving gaze.

_I guess this relationship is much better than nothing. _

_This way I could at least feel your warmth for just one more night. _

_We are no longer children to be naïve enough to believe that there must be love between us to indulge ourselves in one night of passion. Even just a physical connection is enough. There's no need to complicate things further with feelings. _

_That is what I would like to think._

_But, why then?_

_Why do I feel like a million needles are piercing my heart when you are away? _

_Why do I feel so much pain and hatred in the depths of my heart when I see you with someone else?_

_I only settled for this because I knew that this was the only way I could keep a part of you with me. _

_I would not tell you my feelings for fear of rejection._

_Funny, isn't it?_

_It was always you who chased after me and longed for my recognition yet now I am the one running away, afraid of rejection._

_I must admit, I have never felt so afraid in my life. _

_I never knew that loving someone could be this painful and cause so much fear in my heart. _

_Renji if only you knew, how simple of a man I really am._

_I am only a man who wants to hold you until the morning sun rises and see my image reflected in those beautiful chestnut coloured eyes. Even if it is just for that small moment in time, I would be the only thing that you would see. I would be the only thing that mattered in your world. _

_Even just for a moment, I want to be the most important person in your life._

_Would it be selfish of me to ask for more than what we already have?_

_Would you think that I am greedy if I asked for more than just your warmth?_

_Would it be too much to ask for your heart?_

* * *

_**A/N:**_

_**I hope you guys liked this one shot. I had hoped that this would help counter the writer's block I've been having for two years. It's not really a happy ending for the two of them but not all stories can end happily, I think. Or maybe I was just feeling a little mean to Byakuya. Anyways thank you for reading. Reviews and feedback are always welcome. **_

_**Japanese words used:**_

_**Taicho – Captain**_

_**Fukutaicho – Vice-captain**_

_**Hai – Yes**_

_**Arigatou – Thank you**_

_**Izakaya – Japanese-style bar **_

_**Shihakusho – Shinigami clothes**_

_**Itai – Ouch/Painful**_


End file.
